when ettiquette goes bonkers 2183

Yeah, but you can support the bride without going to the shower. I mean, there could be all kinds of reasons why you might not be able to go, and it wouldn't be seen as a slight to the bride.

Actually, if I was good friends with the bride, I might want to let her know what was being done in her name. I know that if I were the bride, I'd be mortified. I'm not saying that's a good idea -- after all, the bride might well be in on it. But then, just ask Rosalie -- I'm somewhat lacking in tact.

Well, it might be good to call the host, because if you are confused, other people probably are as well. But I don't see a problem with bringing a gift. If no one else has, just ask for it to be set aside until after the party (I'd buttume the hostess would do this anyway, but not necessarily this particular hostess.)

Several years ago, I was invited to a wedding. And in with the invitation was a card asking that in lieu of gifts, people send money to the travel agency to help defray honeymoon expenses. I politely asked if it would be okay for me to send a gift instead, and was told no. I was livid. I wrote off a check for $50 (the exact amount he'd sent when I got married, so it cancelled out) and that was that. It was also the beginning of the end of the friendship. This is a sore spot for me. If I give a gift, I want it to be something meaningful. Particularly if it's for a big event like a marriage. I put a lot of thought into it with the hopes that I will end up getting something that 30 years from now people will look at and remember me. Okay, so that's a bit selfish, I admit. Still, it's the way I am.

Bizby