Intervene and send him home from the playdate as soon as anything abusive is happenning. And, don't accept any playdates at his house unless you are sure the other mother will watch for this and intervene. You have an obligation to stand up for your daughter's right not to be abused in any way.
Does your daughter want him to come over?
The teachers can control this partly by buttigning them to play areas that are different. In our playschools only a certain number of kids can be in each center and children choose which one. They can make sure that he plays in different centers from the one he goes to first - if he chooses first, have her choose a different one. If she chooses first, limit him to other centers than the one she choose. If they cannot handle this, then you may want to pull her out and change to another playschool if you have a different one in your town.
What is more important - your friendship or your dd's happiness and possible later abuse as she gets older?
Teach your dd at home how to be buttertive.
Demonstrate buttertive behavior (e.g., saying "No" to another child's unacceptable demands) and contrast aggressive or submissive responses through demonstrations. Let children role-play with puppets or dolls.
Intervene when interactions seem headed for trouble and suggest ways for children to compromise, or to express their feelings in a productive way. (The teachers at that playschool should be doing this too)
Teach her to seek help when confronted by the abuse of power (physical abuse, loveual abuse, or other) by other children or adults. (In the context of home, that means coming to you and at school, it means going to her teachers for help).
my friend's controlling son 1080Hi there...you are right about many things, but I guess I wasn't clear in my first post about many other things. I'll try to explain more now...
Remind her to ignore routine teasing by turning their heads or walking away. Not all provocative behavior must be acknowledged.
Teach her to ask for things directly and respond directly to each other. Friendly suggestions are taken more readily than bossy demands. Teach children to ask nicely, and to respond appropriately to polite requests. (Actually, this is what your friend should be doing with her son and you may want to do this if you allow him to come over and he starts out being bossy even if she won't do it. It will help him to make other friends so she won't be his only focus if he learns how to play without fighting and being the boss. The playschool teachers should also be teaching this to *all* the children).
After a conflict between children, ask those involved to replay the scene. Show children how to resolve problems firmly and fairly. (If the two of them are playing, you can step in and ask them to replay the conflict in words and figure out compromises - again the playschool teachers should be doing this with all the children)
my friend's controlling son 1079Newsgroups I'm someone who stands up easily for myself, so I'm afraid I cannot be very sympathetic about this... My first thought upon reading your...
Show her how to tell bullies to stop hurtful acts and to stand up for themselves when they are being treated unfairly. (You may have to learn this yourself first - but talk about it with her and give her the tools to do it)
Encourage her not to give up objects or territory to bullies (e.g., say, "I'm using this toy now"). Preventing bullies from getting what they want will discourage aggressive behavior.
my friend's controlling son 1078Excellent advice! ... and if you're feeling timid about doing this, you can also role-play replaying. That is: get your husband and your daughter...
Identify acts of aggression, bossiness, or discrimination for her and teach her not to accept them (e.g., say, "Girls are allowed to play that, too").
Show her the rewards of personal achievement through standing up for themselves, rather than depending on the approval of others solely.
You need to be upfront about why your dd doesn't want to play with her son. Tell Annette that while you value her friendship, your dd doesn't like being bullied by her son. After all, this is the truth. Her son is bullying your dd and you need to step up and intervene since she is only 4. Otherwise this can get worse and worse as the years go on.
Encourage her to have other friends over for playdates instead of this boy. Instead of going to this mom's house, suggest a park of a mall where you can keep and eye on the children's interactions. And be prepared to intervene whenever he is around. Do so gently, but firmly.
-- Dorothy
There is no sound, no cry in all the world that can be heard unless someone listens ..
The Outer Limits
