Well, I'm very glad it made sense to you, and I do hope it helps.
And I've been reading all the other unusual things you say about your husband with fascination and with a growing sense of recognition. I can imagine my son doing any or all of the things you've described, jokes and all, innocently and enthusiastically leaving a trail of social bewilderment and hurt feelings in his wake and with no understanding of how he has contributed to the problem. He also get unshiftable notions in his head, must have things *his* way, finds it very hard even to be aware of anyone else's point of view, and has *intense* anger outbursts about the oddest or most trivial things. Yet he can be a kind-hearted, *very* smart, articulate and loving little person.
Well, apart from thinking "So how did Bizby get to marry my son? He's only seven!" :-) I therefore suspect that your husband could have some innate and unusual cognitive and social-communications disabilities. If that is so, then you would need to adjust your expectations of him, and to adjust the way that you communicate with him. The things I suggested are all based on how I've learned to deal with my son. (Or at least, how I deal with him on a good day - I get exasperated and lose it too! And no, that doesn't help, so although I can see the attraction I can't second Chookie and Cathy's suggestion about chucking the Coke :-).)
Other potentially effective strategies are, explaining some basic things that most people take for granted - such as, that when he tells a joke about your mistakes you feel embarrbutted, and that it is not polite to tell jokes that make people feel embarrbutted. Talking to him alone when he is calm, while staying unruffled and trying *not* to react negatively to his behaviour (however bizarre or unpleasant) in front of children or guests, is another. A biggie would be trying to keep his stress and anxiety and even excitement low when you want to communicate, because even minor levels of stress could have a huge effect on his ability to register and respond - and conversely, small everyday things could stress him hugely.
And if that really is so, then the down side is that you will not be able to get your husband to change much of his behaviour quickly, or at all. For sure, he's never going to be ordinary :-) What you could do instead is figure out what his difficulties are and therefore find different techniques for living with them, better ways of communicating and negotiating with him, and less painful ways of balancing what you and the children need with what he needs. Another up side is that you might also be able to let some of his behaviour go more easily, as you wouldn't have to "fix" it. Especially, you would not have to worry that he is deliberately trying to offend or hurt or embarrbutt you, not even when he insists on saying and doing the most hurtful or embarrbutting things while you're begging him to *stop*! (BTDT :-))
I'm happy to talk some more about each of the problems you've mentioned (right down to the popcorn!), because (IMO) they're all connected and I can take an educated guess at what's behind each of them. Only I'm not quite sure if this is the right place for it? Yes, my son's a kid, but your husband isn't.
And (if it's not too intrusive!) I have some questions.... - is your husband generally a sociable type, or does he avoid most social situations? (I would guess the latter, but my son *loves* socialising for all he is so useless at it!) - has he *ever* taken an indirect hint? :-) - does he like (or hate) routine? - is he very keen on people keeping to rules? Or does he not care about rules? - does he like (or hate) the unexpected? - does he like (or hate) change and variety? - does he love familiarity, or does he very quickly get bored with it? - does he fidget, or repeat actions? - does he have any issues to do with his senses - food, smell, bright light, colour, noise, sounds, touch (such as stroking, kissing, being touched or held), texture (such as clothes)? Does he even complain about noises that you can't hear? Does he complain that perfectly ordinary things are in some way unpleasant? My son doesn't have sensory issues, but they often go with the territory. And they can be a *huge* source of stress, because a lot of communication is based on the idea that we all respond to our senses in roughly similar ways. But some people don't. - when you talk to him, and when he talks to you, does he make good eye contact? - is his tone of voice often a bit louder and flatter than you'd expect from most people? - oh all right, you can probably see where this is going :-) :-) So please forgive me if I'm completely off base.
All the best,
Cailleach
bizby40
