shinypenny
I agree. I have one child who is very literal. I have to be very clear that when I say, "Let's go to the park to feed the ducks tomorrow" I mean that "It is my intention to take you to the park tomorrow and bring food for the ducks, but if we're in the middle of a thunderstorm or your sibling turns up sick or the ducks refuse to show, we might not be feeding the ducks tomorrow." I rarely make promises. I think it's essential to follow through on what you've promised to children. (Actually, I think that's important with everyone, but especially so for children ;-) )
I think that's a laudable goal, but I am rather practical. I think that when you don't feel it, it's perfectly fine to act as if you do ;-) So, if I'd rather be anywhere else other than on the sidelines of the soccer game roasting and swatting gnats, I'm going to be pleasant and excited and cheery anyway--and sometimes you actually end up feeling pleasant and excited and cheery after you've acted that way for a bit! Similarly, I'd rather my kids behaved in a restaurant because they want us all to have a pleasant dinner together, but if they can't muster up that sentiment, they they'll just need to behave because it's a requirement ;-)
You know, I want that too. I love to get things for my kids and do things with them, and the temptation is strong to do that even when they don't deserve it. It's just been my experience that there's a line you can't cross without teaching them some very maladaptive expectations, and I think that line has something to do with the difference between the "repair attempt" you described and appeasement. If you're crossing the line into appeasement, I really don't think you get anywhere good.
Best wishes, Ericka
