Good week article 78

Normally, I'd agree with you, particularly about this issue. However, about a year ago (when E was 9months old) I attended a pre-school forum because I was told by the organizer that it was 'critical' that we start thinking about pre-school soon since the waiting lists are long and the application process was difficult. As the various presenters discussed the benefits of their children's schools (each school was presented by a mom whose child attended) they talked about how many children got into prestegious schools from this pre-school, and in some cases even talked about college in relation to their pre-school. The applications were due in February before the September when one would start school, but to even have a hope of getting in, one had to take a tour, get one's child an interview, sometimes attend a toddler group two or three times a week (at $35-50 per session) and other hoops to jump through. These women were all talking about how prestigious their school was. During the break, they were also discussing the various activities their children were involved in. It sounded totally compebreastive and my friends and I chose to (a) drink a couple of drinks, (b) promise eachother that we wouldn't get that way and (c) avoid thiking about pre-school until much later than could get us into any of these schools. The moms who presented (some of whom I know better now) are the moms in the article. Their stressed out and don't seem to be having much fun being moms. They also don't seem to have the happiest children, which isn't that unreasonable given that their 3 yr. olds are attending five-day a week school and going to after school acitivities...somtimes daily.

Although I agree that we can't judge people for their decisions, I'm simply amazed at the number of moms who are willing to get caught up in this stuff and do 'compebreastive mothering.' I feel like I know a lot of examples of this nonsense (like how ALL of the women my SIL knows had children who slept through the night by three months...or I believe are just lying about it) and feel sorry for the women who get caught up in it. I'm not judging them so much as recognizing that they are caught up in something that isn't making them happy, and they don't even realize that the compebreastive mothering is what's doing it. They also probably don't even realize that not sending one's child to a prestegious pre-school probably won't affect future academic achievement and that little ones don't need so much academic enrichment and after-school activities. It's easy to get caught up in stuff when everyone else is doing it. -- Melissa (in Los Angeles) Mum to Elizabeth 4-13-03 and one due early 3-05