Another wedding etiquette question OT 2206

Now I'm in the UK and bridal showers are relatively rare. You just get a wedding list for the wedding. But on my knowledge of wedding ettiquette, you shouldn't actually have had to pay for the dress and shoes, that should be the bride's father who pays for those, I think! Now, I think if the b-m is asked to pay for the dress etc. then they should be told from the start that they will be asked to pay, but particularly that they should have a say on the dresses, so they can have something that they might wear again. My response to the mother would have been along the lines of. "I'm sorry, I don't have that amount of money with me. If you'd consulted me then I might have been able to bring a cheque book-enough money. I will have to consult dh before I pay out that amount of money as it is a lot of money for us. If you'd asked me beforehand then I would have offered to have it at my house, and I'm sure we could have had a lovely shower there." If I'd been feeling particularly pointed I might have added something about giving me a month to save up, or that the plumber-electrician-phone bill would have to wait another month. Because I think it's rude to buttume other people have that sort of money hanging around that they can access at a moment's notice. Are you sure you didn't pay for it all ;-P Debbie