Another wedding etiquette question OT 2191

Well, apparently expectations vary. I think a person should never be asked to pay an amount of money they had no say in.

I think it was Dear Abby who suggested that when you're asked to be a bridesmaid, if you're not loaded with money, then you can ask at that time what the responsibilities are. You can then regretfully decline to be a bridesmaid for financial reasons.

I think if someone accepts being a bridesmaid, all they should be expected to do is particpate in the ceremony in certain ways. Any expenditures of money are additional requests which can be turned down, or should be explained as part of the responsibilities when the person is asked to be a bridesmaid in the first place.

In other words, I think if someone just asks someone simply "will you be my bridesmaid," then they have to put up with a bridesmaid who may not want to spend any money, may want to wear her own dress that she's comfortable in, may not want to attend additional events, etc. If they have specific expectations they should make that clear before the invitation to be a bridesmaid is accepted. That's my opinion.

You paid in order to keep the peace, but you ended up feeling resentful. Maybe you can forget about it and just let it slide into the past, but maybe doing something you felt resentful about did more damage to the relationships than some alternative. Maybe no one will ever know whether things would have worked out better or worse if you'd made a different choice. -- Cathy Woodgold There are two types of people in the world: those who divide the world into two types of people, and